Our relationships in the office are important. We spend more time with these people than we do with our spouses and families. That’s a lot of time to spend with them, especially if they’re difficult.
And that’s what we’ll look at: working with difficult people.
The difficult people in your office could be a direct report. Or the difficult person could be your supervisor. Either way, difficult people create difficult work environments.
Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash
When you work with difficult people, you become emotionally drained by the end of the day. You feel like you’ve waged a battle that cannot be won. Your day was a constant Jenga game of pulling or pushing the right piece…
It’s draining. You have the feeling of just wanting them gone.
And what about them? How do you think they feel? They’re probably agitated, stressed out, ready to leave. You may say “Amen!” to that last one. But is that really what you want? Do you want them gone or do you want things changed? My guess is that you want things changed. You want things to be less difficult. You want them to be less difficult.
What Happens When You Work With Difficult People
Multiple things can happen when you work/lead difficult people. Four of the most common are:
Avoidance:
Avoidance happens because you know how difficult the person is. You can’t get it through their thick skull (not really, but that’s how you feel) that they’re the problem and need to change. So you hide (that’s what avoidance is).
You feel better for a minute. You know you’re sweeping the problem away, but it’s easier than dealing with it.
Avoiding difficult people doesn’t make the situation go away. It only hides the problem from your eyes.
Transferring:
Sometimes, after avoiding the difficult person, you look for ways to transfer them to another department. You tell yourself it’s not your problem anymore. Or that they’ll do better in a different department.
So, you transfer away the difficult person.
Firing:
You’ve avoided the person, and you’ve even thought of transferring the difficult person, but that wouldn’t be good enough. You decide it’s time to let them go—you’re giving them the pink slip!
Firing someone can be an easy way to overcome their difficulties. You no longer have to put up with their antics, and neither does the company.
Gossip:
One of the worst things leaders can do when dealing with a difficult person is gossip. But that’s what happens.
You’re frustrated at Bob, so you tell your coworker about all the mean things he’s done. She nods in agreement, slowly forming a negative opinion about Bob based on what you have told her.
The gossip then continues around the office, infecting other employees. Now, you’ve become the difficult employee because of the rumor mill.
How To Work With Difficult People
I want you to consider a different way of working with difficult people. Try these new methods instead of avoiding, transferring, firing, and gossiping about them. You may discover the difficult people aren’t so difficult after all.
Connect:
Look for ways to connect with the difficult people in your organization. This looks like asking them about their day, how they’re doing, and what could be better. The more you learn and connect with your difficult employees, the easier it can be to lead them.
Empathy:
Empathy is the ability to connect emotionally with your employees or superiors. You look for ways to understand why and how they’re feeling. This goes beyond the basic level of connection. It goes to understanding.
We know the more we understand what someone is going through or has gone through, the more we can sympathize with them. You can then understand how you would want to be treated in their shoes.
Look for similarities:
When we deal with a difficult person, we often look for the ways we’re different or why they’re so hard to work with. What if, instead, you try to look for the similarities you have in common?
You might discover you both have a love for X-Men comic books. Or the Detroit Tigers are your favorite baseball team. Or you both have a passion for coding programs.
Instead of pushing you apart, similarities will draw you together. It will show that you’re not so different after all.
Pray:
I believe prayer changes things. It can change hearts, minds, and souls. Begin to pray for the difficult people in your organization. Ask God to change their hearts—and yours.
The more you pray, the more you’ll see changed. Don’t be afraid or shy to ask God to move in your organization.
